US Exam and Answers

Some real answers from US 16-year olds taking an examination:

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Filtration makes water safe to drink because it removes large  pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty

A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What is the most common form of birth control

A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'

A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport    

Fart Speech

Incredible! A girl in New Zealand actually won a speech competition by talking about passing gas. Read about it in the newspaper cutting below (click to enlarge):


The Human Body

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
 
One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.
 
The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.
 
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
 
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
 
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
 
Women blink twice as often as men.
 
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
 
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
 
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
 
Women: will be finished reading this by now.
 
Men: are still busy checking their thumbs.

Virgin Joke

Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die, wanted her tombstone to read : BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.

The tomb engraver shortened it to: RETURNED UNOPENED

Punjabi Joke

Just for laughs...don't take this seriously, please.

Gurdial Singh's wife was expecting and the baby was due any day. Gurdial was very confident it would be a boy and was looking forward to the delivery day. As fate would have it, he was transferred to another city and had to join office immediately.

Before going, he asked his father-in-law to send a telegram confirming the birth of his son. But in order to avoid giving a party to his office colleagues he asks his father -in-law to write "the clock has arrived" and he will understand that the son is born.

The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl.

Now Gurdial's  father-in-law didn't know what to do. If he writes "the clock has arrived" Gurdial will think he has got a son. If he writes "the clock has not arrived" Gurdial will get worried that something serious has happened. But being a very intelligent person, he finds a solution and sends the telegram.

Gurdial received the telegram opened it eagerly and reads "The clock has arrived, but the 'pendulum' is missing."