How to Catch a Duck (Hunter)

duck_hunter

How Was Your Day?




Others may have it worse! So don't grumble and don't complain! 

Now, get back to work! LOL

Worse than Walmart Dressers

1-Walmart

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Love Story

I will seek and find you . .

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,
The Flu

Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot! LOL

Toothless Old Ladies

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of senior ladies down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?

'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

Three Phases of Life

For Women

   
Single

Married


Divorced
For Men
  

Single


Married

Divorced
 

The Teeth!

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is standing outside of the ladies dressing room waiting for his Mom to come out.

While waiting the little boy gets bored and just when his Mom comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt.

"Get your hand out of there!" She shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten! For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs.

When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.

"Hell no," he cries, "You've got teeth down there!"

"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no such thing as teeth down there!"

"Yes, there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."

"No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.

"No, I'm sorry" he says. "My Mom already told me that all women have teeth down there."

"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."

The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, after seeing the condition of those  gums, I'm not surprised!"

The Trucker

A trucker driving down a steep hill and was startled to find a man and woman lying in the center of the road, making love.

He blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on the couple.

Realizing that they were not about to get out of the way, he slammed on his brakes and stopped just centimeters away from them.

Getting out of the truck, madder than hell, the driver walked to the front of the cab and looked down at the couple, still in the road, and yelled, “What the hell is the matter with you two? Didn’t you hear me? You could have been killed!!!!”

The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned, looked up and said, “Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming! You were the only one with brakes!”

McDonald's Love Story

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonald's one cold winter evening.

They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.

Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking:

'Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!'

The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.

The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.

There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink.

The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.

He placed one half in front of his wife.

Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.

Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. - 'They were used to sharing everything.'

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing.

She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.

A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.

The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.

As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.

After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, 'Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything.

What is it that you are waiting for?'

She answered,

'THE TEETH'

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