Relationship Jokes

Wife: What are you doing?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was looking for the expiry date.

Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure! What are my choices?
Wife: Yes or no.

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: We ll that's because we aren't married yet.

Son: Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'

Amazing Niagara Falls

Nothing funny here -- just some amazing pictures taken of the mighty Niagara Falls back in 1911, when the winter weather was so severe that the water froze. Sad to say, in all likelihood, we will probably never been able to witness such sights within our individual lifetime due to rapid global warming. Just imagine: walking on Niagara Falls!

Satanic Joke

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon, the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man, and said, "Do you know who I am?"

The man replied, "'Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?", Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't", said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?", asked Satan.

"'Don't doubt it for a minute", returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?", persisted Satan.

"Yep", was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?", asked Satan.

"Nope", said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."

Why Old is Wealth?

Silver in the Hair.

Gold in the Teeth.

Stones in the Kidneys.

Sugar in the Blood.

Lead in the Feet.

Iron in the Arteries.

And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.

We never thought we'd accumulate such wealth!!

A Fishy Story

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she, did
exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking
good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes ! Lots of Salmon, some bluegill, and a few swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

You'll love the

The wife replied, " I did. They're in your fishing box..."