A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so. Although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: Have you any grounds?
POLE: JA, JA, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms.
LAWYER: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
POLE: It is made of concrete, brick and mortar.
LAWYER: Does either of you have a real grudge?
POLE: No, We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.
LAWYER: I mean, what are your relations like?
POLE: All my relations are in Poland.
LAWYER: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
POLE: Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.
LAWYER: No, I mean does your wife beat you up?
POLE: No, I'm always up before her.
LAWYER: Is your wife a nagger?
POLE: No, she white.
LAWYER: Why do you want this divorce?
POLE: She going to kill me.
LAWYER: What makes you think that?
POLE: I got proof.
LAWYER: What kind of proof?
POLE: She going to poison me. She bought a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read -- it says 'Polish Remover'.