Choosing Your Underwear

Never buy stupid underwear!

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Buy Dogs, Not Cats

If this can’t convince than I don’t know what can......

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him? And never say it’s not quite as good as his mother’s....then buy a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour for as long and wherever you want....then buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn’t care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies....then buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores....then buy a dog!

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually....then buy a dog!

BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his/her happiness....then buy a cat!

The Love Dress

A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house.

She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work." The daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Justin loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.

The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said, "What's for dinner?" =)

Everyday Maths

1) ROMANCE MATHEMATICS:
Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

2) OFFICE ARITHMETIC:
Smart boss + smart employee = profit


Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

3) SHOPPING MATH:
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs
.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

4) GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.


A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

5) HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love
him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

6) LONGEVITY:
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to
die.

7) PROPENSITY TO CHANGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't
.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

8) DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE:
A woman has the last word in any argument.


Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

9) HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Oldaunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs andcackling, telling
me, 'You're next.'

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Nude Art + Sexy Student Equals?

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The Best Tea Leaves

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Olympics Non-Hopefuls

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The many reasons why many of us can never make it to the Olympics...

Magic Tabletop PC

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Well, if it ain't Micro$oft...

A Live Letter-Opener

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What a cute little fella!

What's the Difference between Men and Women?

1) NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.


If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.


2) EATING OUT:

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20,
even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


3) MONEY
:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.


A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

4) BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A
man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

5) ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.


Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6) FUTURE
:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.


A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


7) SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.


A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


8) MARRIAGE
:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.


A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


9) DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

10)
NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.


Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


11) OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Conclusion: Men are simple and happier than women!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
: A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

What a Car!

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Transformers! Wish you had one, right?

Funny Smiling Animals

smiling giraffe








With so many smiling animals, my guess is you're smiling as well. So, have a great day ahead wherever you are!